Christmas is approaching!! Not that I have anything special planned but it means that Patrick will be here!! Yessss!! It would be awesome to meet up with him and take him around Bangkok. Wish I know a place where we can do a bit of Ceroc... but I know that it will only make me miss NZ more.

Good news tho, Mel is planning to come here. I pray that her parents would say yes.. I really miss Mel.. it would be great to hang out with her again if only for a few days. I don't know where I would take her yet but I do know some good shopping places around here. Aaah.. shopping.

Had an intervew at Gfk today. It is a company that does market research and I applied for the position of Research Executive (sounds dashing huh). It went rather well and I really hope that I get this job, if not, then I really hope it because that something better will come my way. I planned to quit uni for a while and focus on working. Doing Master straight after Bachelor have its plus and minus. It means that I don't have to get out of my "Student" mode but it means more study. It can be tiresome after a while. It was making me rather depressed and my motivation rushed out of me as soon as I look at my books/notes. Like air rushing out of deflating balloon.

Tomorrow I have another interview at Marcus Evans, "producers of global summits, strategic business conferences, congresses and corpo", fingers crossed!!

5th of December - Father's Day in Bangkok



Yesterday was the King of Thailand's birthday. There is this tradition where the thais light a candle each at 7 pm on the 5th to wish the King long life, good health, and continue to be out light in the darkness. Yesterday was the first day that I get a chance to actually travel to a place where people gather in order to carry out this tradition together as one. Man, I can tell you, it was not easy getting there. The traffic was horrible so we decided to ditch the car at my sister's boyfriend's house and grab a taxi. Along the way the taxi kept on complaining and tried to get us off and make us continue on foot (and the traffic wasn't that bad then either!). Anyway, we did continue on foot but we get a chance to walk along the most beautiful road in Bangkok. The trees by both sides of the road were decorated with lots and lots of fairy lights and the palace wall was also decorated with fairy lights and the view was just spectacular.

After much difficulties finding our way through the crowd we made a stop by the side of the road since we heard that the king and other royalties are passing this way. So we stand there and wait along with other Thais and foreigners. We were all wearing yellow shirt (which were made especially for 2006 in celebration of His Majesty's 60th year on the throne) and so yellow dominated the scene last night. After a while we started to see police cars and motorcycle and finally the royal cars.. the king actually rolled down the window and waved at the people! This is my first time in my life to see the king.. wow.. I couldn't describe the feeling..






At 7.29 pm.. we all lit our candles and sing songs to celebrate the King. We were all out of tuned but we didn't care because we were busy trying to avoid the melting wax from falling on our hands and feet and avoid burning other people hair. After that there was firework. Wow.. I really regret not having my camera there! (mom and dad took it on their trip to Chiang Mai) It was amazing and so close!!! it was like watching it in IMAX theater.

In the process of doing my work.. and I sense something moving on the corner of my eyes. I look up from the computer screen and look out the door to our garden. On top of the wall sit a little squirrel eating the fruit from our pomegranate tree. It is weird to find animals like this in a big city. You would think that they all live in the country side where there are lots of trees but noooo.. there are four of these little fuzzies in our neighbourhood. They live in pairs, according to my mom.



Isn't is gorgeous?

You Are 40% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside. And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

Are You A Lady?

I am 40% lady - I tend to make up my rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside. And while I try to be a lady (sometimes), my behaviour is often quite shocking.

BUT I LIKE PINK!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...

Oh by the way, this is my 100th post!! How cool is that people. Yaaaaaaaaay!!! I should have some kind of a celebration.

"OH CRAP!!"

These two words are constantly only my mind for the past 3 weeks. My second semester on MSCP program is coming to the end and that means the time that piles of reports, assignments, projects, and exams come and pay me a visit. Wonder why these professors love to torture us by setting the deadlines on the same week. What could possibly be worse right? Noooooo... that's not true, it gets much more worse if you're ME. Well, for Stats & Research paper, I need to do a mock research proposal (40%) and defend it (another 40%) so my final is mind paralyzing 80%!!!! The thing is, even though our lecturer told us from the start that we should find and decide on a research topic (which can continue on to become our real thesis topic if we want).. the thing is.. it's not that easy to find and especially decide on a topic! I changed my topic perhaps 30 times already. I finally decided on my topic last Tuesday and my proposal defense is next Tuesday..oh great..that doesn't give me enough time to find related literature to review on(which is an entire chapter in itself). Oh.. I desperately need a miracle and good long back massage.. and lots of motivation.

Oh crap!! I have an exam this Monday!! *fighting the urge to throw something and scream*

I so desperately need retail therapy.

More photos uploaded on Flickr again!! Lots more photos from my trip to Rayong & Chantaburi

New Photos @ Flickr... please check them out and leave some comments!!

Chao~

Pushed, Shoved, and Beaten Down

When I conjured this blog back to life, I probably said something about this year being the year of self searching and reflection. Despite all the discoveries I have made about myself, I feel spiritually lost.

As a part or my self reflection, I had given my faith and all the decisions that I have made regarding my faith a long hard look. One can almost always guarantee that in doing so will bring up some shocking revelations.. and what was revealed to me has shaken me to the core. My faith crumble and my sense of self and identity was stolen away from me. I realised that my decision to become a Christian is not right.. because the reasons that led me to that decision were wrong. Oh the lies and self deception. All the justification and rationalisation could not do justice, let alone bringing me peace or any sense of joy. I did not become a Christian for me. So I laughed at myself, the biggest fool of all, and then I cried. I feel like a liar, a fake. I have lied to myself.. and because of that I have lied to everybody.

But did I really?

Eventhough I know now that my reasons for becoming a Christian was based on my naivity and foolishness but all my feelings then seemed so real. I still believe that it was real. I prayed with genuine sincerity in my heart. I counselled with genuine love and respect. I don't regret becoming a Christian because it has led me to learn about the abundant love that is shared between one Christian to another. I met so many nice, pleasant, genuinely caring people and establised life long friendship with them. I loved all the life group meetings and all the praying. But what about God? I asked myself that question over and over again. After this realisation..do I still believe in God? in Christian God in particular? Do I believe in Jesus? Do I believe in the teachings?

I can not confidently say "yes" to all of those questions except one... and I can not say that I am a Christian before I can confidently say "yes" to all of those questions. So.. what now? I have decided that I will step back and search for God. I still believe in "God", yes I do, but I can not say that I believe in "Christian God". This blow has taken my life's meaning away from me. I don't know how I am. I don't know what my purpose is. The great big void in my heart is back. The emptiness in my soul is so great that it makes my heart ache. So I will search for God... and perhaps I would found myself along the way. One day, I hope I could confidently say that my life is not meaningless... that I know who I am and what I am about. Right now, I just wish I know where to start looking for God. I feel that I have so many things on my hand, so many things that need my immediate attention... and that my "search" have to be put on hold. But it is not the kind of things that we could put on hold. The search for God is not like the skirt you found at a shop that could be put on hold until you can decide whether you like it or until you have enough to afford it. Funny that I am doing exactly that. It's like breathing, the first thing you did when you were born was to breathe.. and the last thing you do before you die is to breathe your last breath. It is so vitally important for our survival but we rarely think about it. How many times a day are you aware that you are breathing? After you read this sentence, it might be the first time today that your breath got any attention from you. So it's like that, our search for God is vitally important but we rarely think about it. That leads me to another point that I want to share. I went to a seminar on "Guided Meditation" yesterday and the lady said that religion is like banana skin but spirituality is the fruit within. She said that sometimes we hold on the the skin and throws away the fruit, our spirituality. The statement has such a big impact on me.. because I start to question what "spirituality" means. The lady said that it is "how you are in touch with your inner self" but I think that spirituality means more than that. As hard as I tried, I still can not found what "spirituality" means for me. I feel that the meaning is there.. so close to me.. but it is out of my grasp.

It has been a while

It has been a while since I last blogged! I miss blogging。。

Now, I'm using this computer at Uni which is so weird. It keeps on changing my font to some weird as stuff. I think some one has set up chinese font in this computer or something.

I have not eaten meat for 5 days now. Why? Well, because it's a chinese tradition that at some certain month, we will have 9-10 days that we refrain from eating meat and any animal-related products. It is also known as vegetarian festival around here.

I had a mid-term test and a presentation last week for Multicultural Counselling. It went okay and my presentation on comparing Russian Jewish and Indonesian families went pretty good too. Amazing that we are so relaxed in this class while such uncomfortable subject about race and racism was being discussed. My lecturer commented that it is easier to teach this class in Asia than America, apparenty it is a very sensitive issue in the States.. where everybody sue everybody. Well, this is what I've heard but I prefer to keep my judgement to myself. No.. I would rather not judge at all.

Isn't it amazing that the end of year is approaching already? October is almost over.. only two more months and 2006 is gone. It never amaze me how fast time flies.. and it rarely occur to me that life is actually quite short. I have this interesting theory about "World View".. not my theory of course but it's what I've learned in class.

Well.. there's 4 types of world view:
1. Optimistic - believe that people is essentially good, believe in working in harmony with nature
2. Pessimistic - believe that the best kind of relationship is equal relationship (you help me, I help you), believe that nature is a dangerous fource not to be played with.
3. Traditional - believe that the nature is here to serve you
4. Here and Now - I think the name pretty much self explanatory

So.. I think I'm optimistic but I would rather be here-and-now. I seems to underestimate the value of "Time".. all the time!! Gosh.. I need to get a life. So.. what kind of world view do you have?

It has been a while since my last post.. and now I don't know where to start.

This morning I woke up with this dull headache in combination of allergic reaction on my arms. I am trying to figure out the source of my allergy and almost settled with those garlic parsley shrimp I had last night.. but decided not to because I like shrimps way too much. So the source of my allergy remains a mystery.

I am so behind in my study, which is totally not cool at all. Luckily, I managed to drag myself away from daydreaming and actually did quite a fair bit of study this week. I feel like I can't concentrate on something for long. One other thing I am struggling with in my academic aspect of life is my "either thesis or research project + comprehensive exams" option. Do I really want to do a thesis? Can I be bothered? (the answer to that question is always a "No" but it's better to state it out lound anyway). Either way, I still have to decide on the topic.. which is still under way after a month of searching.

About two Sundays ago, I went to Jatuchak Market with my friend, Ben from Belgium. The most horrible thing happened. My bag was cut open and the thief stole my phone... I was really angry but thank God they didn't stole my purse or my camera instead.

Have you ever got a feeling that you can never get used to your own home after you've been away for a while? I feel that a lot. It's not that I am not trying to settle but it could be that I am unconciously prevent myself from making this my home. I feel that I don't have any friends here. None that I am close enough to call a "friend"....sometimes I wonder whether I have been unconsciously shutting myself off all this time. Preventing myself to become too familiar, too attached to this place because I am too focused on going back to NZ. But if I manage to go back to NZ, would my feelings change? Would I feel that I am suffocating because I don't get to live my life? Would I feel the same way as I do here? I am starting to forget what living in NZ felt like. This makes me wonder whether I am bound to be a homeless traveler.. and never feel "at home" no matter where I am.

Hmm. .maybe I should do a thesis on it.

It's Friday morning in Bangkok, Thailand.

The weather is strangely "cool" probably because it has been raining for days and days... and the fact that it is approaching "winter". A so-called "winter" because Bangkok would be less hot than usual but nevertheless hot. I am sipping luke warm coffee after a sleepless night.

I have a Welcome Tea Party to go to today at Uni. It's arranged by my Dept.. a get-to-know-each-other kinda thing. I'm lazy but I'll go anyway as I don't have anything better to do. I might even get to talk to Dr. Christine (my Multicultural Counseling lecturer) about my thesis. Although I grumble about my thesis a lot but I am kinda excited about it. I'm lucky that I sort of know specifically what I want to do my research on.. although I usualy stumble on this big rock named "laziness".

I can't believe it's the end of September already. I am extremely glad that the end of year is approaching. It means that I have less than a year until I leave for NZ again. I am not sorry that I was "forced" to spent sometime here. I get to be with my family and I've learned a lot. I've learned that the world can be extremely cruel. I've also learned that eventhough your parents are the people who know you best but from time to time they can be completely clueless. I've learned that I can't live in fear and refuse to take my chances coz if I do..the question "What if.." would haunt me to the end of my days. I also know what it's like to be nice and composed on the out side but screaming on the inside. Now, I am struggling with the concept of "Love without ownership".. somethings are easy to learn, somethings aren't.

It must be the food and the weather as my weight is at its lowest in six long years (55 kg). Hot weather makes you lose your appetite. I have never forgotten to eat in my entire life but since I've been back, I find myself doing it quite a lot. Depsite all that, my clothes size here is still "L". Gosh, I am living an affluent lifestlye. Too much caffeine, too little exercise, and Bangkok is so big that you need a car to go places. Unlike Dunedin with its botanical garden, that muscle torturing Aquinas hill that I spent one year conquering on a daily basis, Ceroc and its many hours of dancing, and high taxi fares - which ultimately forces us to walk everywhere.

Michael Bolton's "Hear Me" is playing softly and for a while.. I can do nothing but let the music and the words flow through me. This song strangely reflect what I am feeling inside most of the time. Probably all the time but the feeling is buried deep in my unconcsious that I am not aware of it sometimes. It's a plea for someone to hear me. I think no one can sing this song better than Michael Bolton. .

Take these tears, put 'em in a bottle. Don’t let these tears I cry be in vain.
Take these tears, keep them up in heaven. Water my life with tears like rain.

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’
Hear me, I am feeling broken,

I am broken open.

Take this life, turn it into something, I’m afraid it’s just wasting time.
Turn this life the sun has ripened, grow it slowly on the vine.

Turn my tears into wine

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’

Turn my tears into wine,

Turn these tears into wine

All that’s left of me are traces.

Make me stronger in my broken places.

I think I really should publish this post or else I'm going to be here for a long while.

Scotland,s Own Haka

I found this while I was browsing for All Blacks Haka video for my presentation in Developmental Psych.. it's hilarious.

Saw this on Mel's blog.. and I think it is hilarious and looks like a great deal of fun. Anyway, I am actually working on my empirical research critique, which is due in 3 days.. so I think it's about time for procrasination.

Ahh.. don't you just love the word?

The way it works (purely copy and paste from Mel's blog):

1. Put your iPod (or your media player) on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today?
Petrified - Fort Minor (that's about right)

Will I get far in life?
Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

How do my friends see me?
Elements - Blue (what is that suppose to mean?)

When will I get married?
Bossy - Kelis (HA!!)

What is my best friend's theme song?
You're Beautiful - James Blunt (hey.. I was hoping this will be the answer to my next question!!)

What is the story of my life?
Hear Me (Tears into Wine) - Jim Brickman feat Michael Bolton (Oh.. so true)

What was high school like?
Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake (yeah baby!!.. but actually my high school life was far less exciting)

How am I going to get ahead in life?
Free Loop - Daniel Powter

What is the best thing about me?
Sexy Love - Neyo (LOL!!)

How is today going to be?
Photograph - Nickleback

What is in store for this weekend?
Run It - Chris Brown

What song describes my parents?
Torn - Letoya Luckett (Hmmm....)

Your grandparents?
Obsession - Sugarbabes (I really don't know what to say to this!!)

How is my life going?
Red Dress - Sugarbabes (watch out, Ben)

What song will they play at my funeral?
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield (yeah..I think this will be the perfect song for my funeral)

How does the world see me?
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas (LOL.. this is just hilarious)

Will I have a happy life?
SOS - Rhianna (SOS indeed)

What do my friends really think of me?
You and Me - Lifehouse

Do people secretly lust after me?
What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts (interesting answer)

How can I make myself happy?
Everytime We Touch - Cascada

What should I do with my life?
Blame It On My Youth - Jamie Cullum (oh yeah.. that's the answer that I'm looking for!!)

Will I ever have children?
Over My Head - The Fray (aha... riiiiiiiiiight)

What is some good advice for me?
I'm On It (Kryptonite) - Boi feat Purple Ribbon All-Stars (what the heck?!?!)

What is my signature dancing song?
Ugly - Sugarbabes

What do I think my current theme song is?
Here 4 One - Blazin Squad (Let's get this party jumpin')

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
It Ain't Easy - Sugarbabes

What type of men/women do you like?
Check Up On It - Beyonce

What kind of kisser are you?
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Hahahahaha!!!)

What’s your style?
It's About Time - Jamie Cullum

What kind of lover are you?
If It's Lovin' That You Want (You Should Make Me Your Girl) - Rhianna

What would be playing on a first date?
What A Difference A Day Made - Jamie Cullum (yeah.. check that out Mel!!)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  
Bruised - Sugarbabes (hmm.. not a good sign)

Yay!! so much fun!! Anyway.. must get back to my work!! It is calling out my name...

"How much can you learn in a year?", I wonder..

Well, I don't think there's an answer to that.. but I sure feel that I have learned, am learning, a lot this year.

I learned a lot about Psychology, that's for sure. One good news is that I might be able to graduate before the August next year! I actually plan to finish at the end of December but I just learned that I could begin my thesis NOW. I need to get 3 chapters of a thesis done for one of my papers I am doing this semester anyway (for a mock research proposal defense) but I could continue with the topic if I want too.. and that's my plan. One thing for sure, I'm definitely leaving Bangkok and heading back to NZ after I finished. I still don't know how my parents will deal with that but I guess there's no point worrying about it at this point in time.

So.. I'll take it one step at the time and "cross the bridge when I have to".. I am sure that it will all turn out for the best.

My trip

My Trip

was cancelled...........................................

Bum... 

Hey guys.. I've put up a new blog called "Little Miss" and Mel recommended that I should actually mention it in my first blog.. or else people wouldn't noticed that it exist.. so yeah, this is just to inform you that I have put up another blog and hopefully you guys would give it a visit and leave comments every now and then.. just to keep it alive, y'know.

Choa~

I learned how to juggle!!.......... with two balls.

Yes yes.. it's not exactly exciting but gosh.. it was so much fun! Well, there is an exchange student from Belgium who would be joining us in our MSCP course for this semester. His name is Ben (what's with me and the guy with the name "Ben") and he actually went to circus school when he was young. Imagine that!! Circus school!! I've never met anyone who went to circus school before. Whoa~~ Anyway, last Wednesday after class I was walking to meet up with my mom when I saw him juggling... Ben (the other Ben, my boyfriend) told me that juggling is great for concentration and always telling me that I should juggle. I never get a chance to learn and suddenly, out of the blue... here's Ben (the Belgium Ben)!! Awesomness!! Strangely, I juggle better when I'm talking.. weird.. maybe I am actually good at multi tasking.

Next week me department is going to Rayong for a weekend of fun. I can't wait.. I would be going to the beach... jealous guys?? Hehehe.. would take heaps of photos and would post them up on flickr... this is going to be great!!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~

Last night during my lecture, I found it hard to concentrate as I was feeling so angry about the whole situation at the school earlier. I replayed it over and over and over in my head and getting angrier and angrier and angrier by the minute. So during the break of my 3 hours lecture, I decided to get on the internet and check my e-mail. Suddenly, out of the blue, I decided to googled on "angry quotes".. and I found this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. It totally put things in perspective. It made me think "Why am I so mad about this? Why I feel as if the whole situation is all my fault and I was not a good co-worker? WHY DO I FEEL INFERIOR?"...

It's because I let it get to me. I allowed those words to hurt me.

It was not easy letting it go. But once I did it, I knew I did the right thing. I was able to slept soundly last night.. I wouldn't otherwise. I woke up today.. feeling so much better...but still couldn't get on with the day without a big cup of coffee.

Aaah.. coffee

I quit my job last week on Thursday.. after a big argument with my ex-boss about how I think she's been using me to do jobs that are not in my job description and how I can not and will not do that for her anymore. After I spent the while of Tuesday and Wednesday cutting, laminating, and cutting 600 pieces of paper.. she claimed that I've been absent from my job, I know that I can not stand this place anymore.

Strange, really, because a few times during that day. I doubt my decision.

But now, after I went back to my work place to get my recommendation letter, I realised that I am glad I quit. The principal of the school, who suppose to be non-judgemental and fair, did not even take interest to hear about MY side of the story. After my argument with my ex-boss, he asked me to go to his office. He sat down and asked me if it's trute that I would like to quit my job. I replied "Yes".. and he said "Can I have you resignation today?" I told him that I don't have my resignation as I decided to quit less than an hour ago. He handed me a piece of A4 paper and told me to write down my resignation and give it to him before the end of the day. He also said that I don't have to come back to school after that day. I was expecting a fair treatment but apparently, I was wrong. It is the same today.. I thought that it had ended but the principal, who is a NZer, started to tell me how rude I am and threatened that he would use his relationship to his influential friends in NZ government if he ever find out that I am trying to get back into the country....

I would so sue him if he does that (Can he do that, Sam?)

What the world has come to? I wonder.. I thought that I could receive fair treatment and justice from educated people but I guess I was very naive

Uni started yesterday :-S

Nah.. it was quite interesting. The subject was Multicultural Counselling.. meet people from all walks of life there. Our lecturer, Dr. Christine, is half Dutch half Japanese and has a bubbly personality... and talks a lot. It's great to be back studying!!!! No no.. I'm not joking.. it means that one step closer to the end of my degree. I can't wait to go back to NZ

Work started last week. It was dreadful and I don't expect this week going to be any different. I've decided on Friday that I am definitely leaving this job. Unfortunately, I can't until I found a new job... and I hope that will happen soon or else I would go crazy, get myself fired, and ruin my career record!!!

Life is still so-so.. Nothing exciting... I would certainly be super busy until the end of November with 4 classes/week. I can't deny that I love what I am studying. I came across this article on "Mercy Centre" in this month edition of Marie Claire (which I personally think is the best glossy magazine out there). It's about a house that acts as a shelther, playgourd, and school for 250 orphans... 50 of them got infected by HIV. I think it must be some divine intervention that I come across this article *looking up towards heaven*.. You see, I was beginning to doubt about my choice of Master degree and start to wonder whether this is what I want to be doing. Seeing this article and see all the pictures of these kids.. I realised that I've come the right way.. made the right decisions. They have this programe called "Sanook My Saturday" (Sanook means fun) and basically these kids get to go out and see cool places in Thailand or get to do cool activities like dancing. Gosh, I would love to be able to teach these kids to dance.. I wish Ben was here and maybe we could teach them Ceroc and send them into dance competition!!!

Ooooh...that is such a wonderful idea (must write that down!!)

Anyway. I can't volunteer in that programe coz I have class on Saturdays.. bummer!! Maybe next semester...

Spectacular

Work starts tomorrow.. and uni starts this Saturday. Kinda exciting (mainly about Uni) and kinda dreadful (yeah.. totally about work).

I've been thinking a lot about what I've achieved in my life. I feel that I haven't really achieved anything spectacular. I feel as if I've wasted many years of my life doing things half heartedly. I wish I can be one of those people who did well in school.. I wish I could turn back time and maybe.. just maybe.. I could change my life around.

"I wish".. always going to be "I wish"... wishes are good but these kind of wishes can really ruin your life and waste your time. I should not think about it anymore.. what I should do is focusing on doing my best NOW..

but I can't help wishing..

I want a scholarship.. that enables me to go abroad and pursue my study.. but I'm just not good enough.. not clever enough.

Well, I'll try anyway.. I might go on an exchange programe.. and who knows.. maybe I could achieve something spectacular this time.

A friend forever lost

A friend forever lost

I've lost a friend.. Miss Rattanaruthai or P'Song

She was one of my classmate at ABAC.. I don't know her well but we occasionally talk. She always had a smile on her face. I was starting to get to know her better at the end of last term, which is merely several weeks ago. She was so alive then.

The news of her death came.. like sudden wave that made my world spin. How could that be? That's not true.. she was so healthy. ..I kept saying that to myself. It wasn't until yesterday when I was finally there at her funeral that I realised that she is really gone. Still, it feels unreal. I was sitting there, trying to get it into my head that she is gone.. I have to say to myself that it is my dear friend that is lying in that coffin. Her pictures were everywhere.. so beautiful and full with energy. Her face, her voice, and her smile are so vivid in my memory. I smiled when I remember how she gently warned me not to drink too much coffe.. and how she said that the chicken rice at ABAC is so famous because everybody can never decide whether it actually taste bad or good. I miss her already. We never even had a picture taken together.

I ask God "Why?".. why would someone so caring, so warm, so nice, so beautiful, and so young is taken away from this world. She has so much to offer.. she still have the whole world ahead of her. I haven't cried.. but there is sadness in my heart. My heart griefs for her.

Photos

Hi guys..

I've posted some new photos at my Flickr web page so you can check it out by clicking the link on your left.. yeah.. see it? it's right there.. on your left.. yes yes.. there!! THERE!!

Anyway, I would be transferring the photos I have at Multiply to Flickr.. when I have the time of course.

Later!!

Oh.. the memories

Oh.. the memories

A quote I love from The Alchemist

"Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

"Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure," answered the alchemist.

"But my heart is agitated," the boy said. "It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert. It askes things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I'm thinking about her."

"Well, that's good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say."

I really should stop playing Minesweeper.

I seemed to have lots to talk about a minuet before and now I am literally speechless. I don't know what to talk about!!

I am actually trying to arrange the school field trip. I still can not be bothered..I know I should have finished this ages ago!! Procrasination never help.. I should have know this by now but still.. my laziness always manage to trip me over.

Not much is happening today.. or the following week. I only have one more week left before I have to go back to work. Oh, not really looking forward to that!! and Uni is starting too. More late nights but oh well.

Lazy lazy lazy lazy...

Nam's discovery of Minesweeper

I've never played Minesweeper in my entire life. I always know what it is and what's the goal of the game but never ever understand the rules. So today, bugged with extreme boredom, I decided "What the heck, might as well try it out"... and now I'm an addict. I've been playing it for 3 hours straight now. Not a very productive thing to do, but oh well..

I suppose to be working!! I really need to start doing research on my thesis (I think I will do about Games addiction in teenagers - how ironic).. and I really need to arrange field trips for the school I'm working for. I really can not be stuffed (plus it's not my job anyway, I'm a lab technician.. not a secretary!!).. but it's the boss order so I gotta do it.

Recent movie what I've watched that had made a good impression on me is "Crash". Great movie, you gotta see it. I also watched "I [heart] huckabees" at the end of last year, along with "Lost in Translation". The movies are great but I miss the company more. The late nights filled with movies, good friends, and my awesome bakings. I really miss my life in Dunedin. There's so much to do back there. Yes, Bangkok is certainly a lot bigger than Dunedin and theoretically it should have more things for me to do but strangely that's not so. With work occupying majority of my time and study takes me late into the night, by the time I got home my energy was all drained away since 4 pm. So normally, I would rather rest and do absolutely nothing during the weekends. This is probably why some people get so sick of life. It's the same everyday. Good thing that school is now closed so I have a bit of a wind down... with Jamie Collum playing and nice hot tea. Aaah, life at this exact moment is great.

This year is a year of reflection for me. I've been thinking alot about my dreams and desires..and also my fears. Trying to figure out who I really am. At the lowest point of my confidence, self-esteem and emotions (which happened around June), Fate actualyl dropped in, said "hello", and helped me up. Through a series of events (and some misunderstanding), I got my hands on the book called "The Alchemist". Definitely the best book I've ever read in my entire life and that is not an exaggeration. Changed my look on life entirely.

I think I shall leave this blog like this.. will elaborate on this later.. shall go blog-hopping again..

Look how blonde I am..

You Are Blonde Highlights

Men see you as flexible and versatile - you fit in to every situation You've got the inner glow of a blonde, the intensity of a redhead... And the wisdom of a brunette.

How Blonde Are You?

Really? Any comments people??

Thanks to Mel and Bibs in helping me to realised my blondness.

My poor poor blog

I haven't blog for ages (this seems to be my greetings in my blog nowadays). I browsed thru my previous entries (since Jan '05) and they're all so animated!! Gosh.. I also love the replies. It worth writing entries just to read those replies. My blog is looking a bit sad at the moment. Hmm.. I shall spend the rest of the night blog-hopping and leave messages here and there. Hmmmmm.. wondering what Sam is up to.

Reading my old entries certainly make me miss Dunedin. I wish I could go back soon!!

Anyway, I am having a holiday. Both from uni and from work... yes from work and still getting paid. That's the beauty of working in a school.

I survived my first term at Uni. It's actually pretty easy and I enjoy learning Psychology a lot. I love it. I love what I am learning and I can not wait to use my knowledge to help people. That's the ultimate goal. There are times that I doubt that I would be able to help someone but I would never know if I don't try. Soon.. I'm going to be a Psyc grad.. just like Sam!!

I might be going to Singapore at the end of the year. That is, if Jian, Mel, and Annisha would get back to me about it!! Seriously people!! Don't leave me hanging!!

Well, that's about it at the moment. I shall go Blog-hopping.

Hop Hop... hop

Oh gosh.. it's been ages!!!! Sorry guys, but I've been incredibly busy. Anyway, quick update.. I am working now as a lab technician in an international school. It's okay, definitely not something I'll do until I'm old. Right now I'm well into my first trimester at ABAC university studying Counselling Psychology. I am having so much fun with my course. It's soooooooooo interesting and I'm meeting new people. I have to say, it makes time go a lot quicker. I love it.

Right now I'm doing my assignment on Katie's Diary. It's a book with real excerptions from the real diary entries left by a young girl, Katie, who committed suicide two months before her 21st birthday. It's very interesting and such an invaluable insight, although reading her diary makes me wish that I could be there for her. She was in so much pain and has so much anger.. I wish I could help her.

I'm also reading things on Ophelia. Such an intersting character and it accurately portrays the struggle of adolescent girls in modern time. The struggle between being her real self or conform to the pressure and expectations from society. Very very interesting.

Anyway.. enough babbling.. really need to get this one. I already asked for an extension!!

Love y'all.

Stains and burns from silver nitrate


Ooh.. gorgeous chicken curry

So much has been happening last week. My course started last Tuesday with Theories in Counselling I. I feel at home in the lecture room (strangely) and yeah, I'm a student again after being a bum for so many months. I only have 3 classes a week, all in the evening from 6.30 to 9.30 pm. No labs (thank God!). I am slowly making friends.

Another news, I got a job and started work last Wednesday as a lab technician in an international high school. I'm replacing the other lab technician which will leave next Tuesday after showing me where everything is kept, the procedure and etc. The job comes with my own "office" basically, a prep room, where all the chemicals and equipment are kept and where I prepare chemicals and etc for the students. It's a small school which makes my job somehow a little bit easier. I never thought that this kind of job is so demanding. I think partly because the students are sooooooo...grrrr!!! Haha..after 2 days of working, I already have something to complain about. Well, they are sooo messy and they don't clean up after themselves. They don't close the bottles properly (they just put the cap on!!) and unfortunately, the other lab tech spilled silver nitrate on her hands, arm and got some on her face. Some of silver nitrate transferred to me as well so now my right arm have stain spots and burns and blisters. Bloody high school students.. altho it's nice to be on the other side. No one is allowed into my "office" except me and yes.. I am free to enter the staff-/teacher- only room during my breaks and lunch time. Bring on free coffee!!!

Do you know that if you got silver nitrate on your skin (clear liquid) it is invisible. It get absorb and react with light then it stains and burn your skin.. and you can see from the photos.. it's not a very nice thing to have on your skin.

My "Apple Crumble Pie" (pre-crumble)



My complete "Apple Crumble Pie" - oh, the best of both worlds (apple crumble and apple pie)



Me with shorter hair



My birthday cake

My birthday presents

Gosh, I love presents. I love the excitment and joy of recieving it and if I got the presents before my birthday, I just love the anticipation of opening it.

Rebecca and Ben sent me presents on this occasion of me turning 21. I've got this wonderful photo frame from Rebecca with photos of: Otago University's famous clock tower, me and Ben dancing at Robbie Burns and me and Rebecca at the Saxman Concert. From Rebecca, I also got a book called "Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul". I know a few of you have read this book. I'm only a chapter of two in and I'm hooked. I think this is a book that all woman should read. Some of the things said in this book really struck home. Rebecca also gave me a serenity kit (with wind chime and a nice little quote book) and a shell necklace.

From Ben, I am amazed at his selection of presents for me. I've got two pair of toesocks, whinnie the pooh little bag and whinnie the pooh hairtie, Easter egg (Cadbury Cream Egg) and some Dutch wafle-biscuit type thing (yummy). Why the presents are so childish? you might ask. Actually it's very thoughtful. He got me all these stuff when he was in Japan. Toesocks for my almost permanently cold feet (but not anymore 'cause it's impossible to get cold feet when the temperature is 30 degree plus everyday) and whinnie the pooh? Who doesn't love whinnie the pooh, honestly!!! Most importantly, I got his letter. What more could a girl ask for right?

Mom bought me pandan-flavored cake white icing on top. Funny thing is, neither of us like icing so we ended up scrap the toppings off (with the white chocolate and pink icing letters written in Thai for "Happy Birthday, Nam" and all). Apart from the icing, the cake is simply delicious.

It's well into the afternoon and I'm still at home. The weather is just too hot to go out. I'm sipping my chinese tea and reading "Captivating". A relax birthday. 21st is not a biggie here in Thailand so I missed out on all the speeches (from my friends, mostly from Jian who might want to get back at me for that speech me and Alana gave on his 21st last year), the dancing and simply the big party. Oh well, I'll have my big birthday one day.

Aaaaaaaand I have an interview with the dean of Counselling Psyc Department today. Just a last stage before I'll know whether I would get accepted or not.

Well, I did!! He offered me a place right there and then!! So yes people, right now I'm a Master student in Counselling Psychology!!!

I passed!!! I passed the entrance exam for Master degree in Counselling Psychology!! Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!

Yesterday, I had a 2nd interview with Wyeth (giant pharmaceutical company). They rang me on Saturday, I was very very surprised because I thought my first interview with them didn't went very well. Anyway, yesterday was good. I think I did good. Answers the right thing. There's 4 candidates left in this round, so I'm glad that I was chosen to be one of them. It's quite an achievment when think of it. The other 3 guys (or girls) might graduate with honors or have a number of years work experience etc etc. Strangely, I should feel nervous and excited.. full with anticipation and waiting by the phone.. but I feel so peaceful about it. It doesn't matter if I don't get this job

Anyway, I have my 2nd interview today with Gymboree at 11 and it's 9.40 am now so I should go...

I've looked at Mel's blog and I realised that I should do something about my lack of new posts. Unfortunately, I spent almost all of my time at home so I really lack human contact (well, not that bad, I have my family but that doesn't count!!) and exciting stories to talk about.

Yesterday evening I went to a local university where I intend to do a Master Degree in Counseling Psychology. My sister is doing part-time MBA course there and so I took the opportunity to attend the lecture with her. I have to say that it was quite an interesting experience. Afterwards, my sister and her friends decided to go to a club. I've never been to a club in Thailand before and it's strange how the club gave me the same feeling of excitment and anticipation like NZ clubs. Different kind of songs of course, and I have to say that I don't realy know any of the Thai songs that was shaking up the place. However, there was an occasion hip-hop stuff that you normally hear in NZ.

It was hot and stuffy and almost everybody there smoke. I wish they enforced the no-smoking law here in Thailand. Well, I guess the good thing about Thailand is, girls who normally wear skimpy clothes when go clubbing, you don't really have to be scared that you'll end up with a pneumonia after your night out. It's warm here throughout the year. It's getting in to summer and I don't know how well I'll cope with the heat. Luckily it's been raining for the past 2 nights and cool things down a wee bit... or else it's unlivable without turning on the air con.

I might not be going to NZ after all.... will try to make it work so please.. lots of prayer for me.

Sorry for short posts but I can't find any inspiration to write... things are pretty hard at the moment.

I am going to NZ

Dear readers,

Yes, I am going to NZ!! I just can't wait. I have not decided on the date yet and I have not bought the ticket but after a long debate with my parents, they finally gave me the permission to go!! I'll only stay for 10 days (altho, I'm trying to extend it to 2 weeks) for my ceremony. However, I'll use that time to catch up with you wonderful people and sort out my things in Ben's flat. I just can't wait!!

Two days ago, I went for an interview with Merck (a giant pharmaceutical company) for a position in Oncology specialist. Sounds posh ha? hehehee..

I can only wish that they will call me back for the 2nd interview. My interviewer told me that he will recommend me but it'll be up to the General Manager whether I'll be successful or not.

Fingers crossed!!

Meh

Did not get the job at ADIS.

MEHness..

Still haven't heard back from any employers...

but I don't mind waiting (and looking for more jobs).

I'm so curious to know about my status at Adis. I really really want this job!! Anyway, I've applied for a few more and hopefully, I will hear back from them soon.

Not much happened around here. My sister and brother are in the middle of exams period (God bless them). I can't believe that right now, I really miss study. I even miss exams!!! *sigh* I'm weird.

It was raining hard out yesterday and we've discovered multiple leaks in our roof. I guess there are still more things that need to be fixed around the house. Not fun at all!! The type of rain we got here is one of those big fat ones and when I say it rain heavily.. I really mean heavily. For those who were in Dunedin around Feb last year and remember what rain we had.. yeah.. that's pretty normal around here. When it rains, the drains will overflow and on bad days... buckets are recruited from the garage.

A funny thing (and sort of horrible on my part) happened yesterday. I've discovered that my fear of cockroaches are still intact. Good thing that the ones that I have the priviledge of making aquiantance with are pretty small and not one of those big mature flying type. URGH!!!

Another thing that I would like to share. Three days ago I recieved a letter from Ben and I recived a wonderfully written letter, two pages from horoscope section from Marie Claire and a green stone necklace. So yeah, I'm pretty happy. The letter did not arrived on Valentine's Day but at least it arrived within the week!!! Don't you just love snail mail?

Miss you all and I would like to say thanks to Michelle who continues to visit my blog. Many people thinks that it's permanently inactive ya know.... Ha.. thanks to my laziness.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease....

God let me get this job!!!

I got an e-mail from Adis today about the writing tests they asked me to do. They told me that they got my tests and now they are being marked by senior editors (yikes!!). In a few weeks time, at the earliest, they will get back to me and they'll tell me whether I get through the the next stage or I failed. Fingers crossed and pleeeeeeeeeease pray for me if you can!!

La la la la~~~~

It's the 14th of Feb aaaaah valentine's day. Lots of love to you all!!

So what's been happening? Erm.. not much really. Stay at home.. searching for jobs on the internet. However, mom took me out shopping on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. It was good to be out of the house. I guess she feels sorry for me. I haven't been out at all apart from the small trips to the supermarket, which is basically almost around the corner so that doesn't count. I'm glad she took me out.. I really needed some retail therapy.

Job hunting is still going.. slowly I might add. I got shortlisted for a medical writer position at Adis International in Auckland and they sent me this writing test for me to do. I finished it and sent it away last week. They said it's going to take 4-6 weeks to process it and they'll get back to me.. so right now I'm waiting to hear from them. I also applied for a few jobs in hospitals around New Zealand.. I'm also waiting to hear back from them

Apart from Job hunting. I also think about possibility for me to do my Master here. Right now I'm looking at doing MSc in Health Economics. It sounds really interesting plus the university offer this course in collaboration with WHO, UNDP and other big organizations. Another good thing about it is it only takes one year!! I guess I'll just have to try my luck on it.

So what's been happening to you all folks? I guess I need to read more blogs. I haven't been reading blogs at all *sigh* sorry guys.

Miss you all!!

Job hunting sucks.. BIG TIME... I wish that at least I'll get a job in New Zealand. This idea already got frown upon by my mother. Seriously don't know what to do. Getting a job in NZ is hard since I'm not a permanent residence or citizen. I only which that they'll be easy on me since I've been in NZ for 5 and a half years aleady and got a degree in NZ.... this is stressful *sigh*.......

And Happy Chinese New Year to you all...

The past month has been busy and tiresome. The house is finally D-O-N-E!!! I am so happy. I finally have my very own room. No more sharing. I've been busy with painting, moving, cleaning and decorating. It's done but not fully done. There are little things that I still have to sort out. I think it's gonna take a long time since I'm in no mood to do anything that have to do with my room at the moment.

Well, these are all nice and cool. The uncool part about this month is.. it's finally decided that I will not be going back to New Zealand any time soon. It's a shame because I was looking forward to 2006. There are so many things that I planned on doing such as: celebrating my 21st birthday and my graduation, move on to advance Ceroc class, do more Ceroc demos and take up some new dance lessons. The worst part of this is.. I never have say a proper good bye to my friends.

Meh.. this is making me depressed.. I better stop

I miss New Zealand

8 days into 2006 and I would love to say that everything is going as planned... but apparently it's not. I thought I will definitely be back in Dunedin this year but now I'm not so sure anymore. Everything is not definite, I'm waiting for the letter from Uni to arrived. That letter will decide my fate.. well sort of. That letter will tell me whether I got into Physio (oh please God.. pleeeeease let me do Physio!!) or I'll end up doing Post grad diploma instead. THEN I'll know whether I'll be able to go back to Dunedin (OH GOD PLEASE!!!)

For the past few weeks, I've been job hunting. Gosh, I never know that job hunting is this time consuming, energy draining and extremely annoying. Thank God for the internet, I think I'll be crippled without it.

We are renovating our house. Now the house is full of dust and dirt and more dust. Yuck! At least I'll finally have my own room. I'll get to decorate it, choose the colours for the room, the lamp stand...everything. SO that's one exciting news.

Hmm, wondering when Ekta's coming to Bangkok. Note to self: must e-mail Ekta. I'm missing everybody back in NZ. Ben is in Japan (lucky boy), Mel is doing summer school (good on you Me, remember.. no skipping lectures!), everybody else is in NZ. I miss New Zealand!!!! Boo...