It's Friday morning in Bangkok, Thailand.

The weather is strangely "cool" probably because it has been raining for days and days... and the fact that it is approaching "winter". A so-called "winter" because Bangkok would be less hot than usual but nevertheless hot. I am sipping luke warm coffee after a sleepless night.

I have a Welcome Tea Party to go to today at Uni. It's arranged by my Dept.. a get-to-know-each-other kinda thing. I'm lazy but I'll go anyway as I don't have anything better to do. I might even get to talk to Dr. Christine (my Multicultural Counseling lecturer) about my thesis. Although I grumble about my thesis a lot but I am kinda excited about it. I'm lucky that I sort of know specifically what I want to do my research on.. although I usualy stumble on this big rock named "laziness".

I can't believe it's the end of September already. I am extremely glad that the end of year is approaching. It means that I have less than a year until I leave for NZ again. I am not sorry that I was "forced" to spent sometime here. I get to be with my family and I've learned a lot. I've learned that the world can be extremely cruel. I've also learned that eventhough your parents are the people who know you best but from time to time they can be completely clueless. I've learned that I can't live in fear and refuse to take my chances coz if I do..the question "What if.." would haunt me to the end of my days. I also know what it's like to be nice and composed on the out side but screaming on the inside. Now, I am struggling with the concept of "Love without ownership".. somethings are easy to learn, somethings aren't.

It must be the food and the weather as my weight is at its lowest in six long years (55 kg). Hot weather makes you lose your appetite. I have never forgotten to eat in my entire life but since I've been back, I find myself doing it quite a lot. Depsite all that, my clothes size here is still "L". Gosh, I am living an affluent lifestlye. Too much caffeine, too little exercise, and Bangkok is so big that you need a car to go places. Unlike Dunedin with its botanical garden, that muscle torturing Aquinas hill that I spent one year conquering on a daily basis, Ceroc and its many hours of dancing, and high taxi fares - which ultimately forces us to walk everywhere.

Michael Bolton's "Hear Me" is playing softly and for a while.. I can do nothing but let the music and the words flow through me. This song strangely reflect what I am feeling inside most of the time. Probably all the time but the feeling is buried deep in my unconcsious that I am not aware of it sometimes. It's a plea for someone to hear me. I think no one can sing this song better than Michael Bolton. .

Take these tears, put 'em in a bottle. Don’t let these tears I cry be in vain.
Take these tears, keep them up in heaven. Water my life with tears like rain.

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’
Hear me, I am feeling broken,

I am broken open.

Take this life, turn it into something, I’m afraid it’s just wasting time.
Turn this life the sun has ripened, grow it slowly on the vine.

Turn my tears into wine

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’

Turn my tears into wine,

Turn these tears into wine

All that’s left of me are traces.

Make me stronger in my broken places.

I think I really should publish this post or else I'm going to be here for a long while.

Scotland,s Own Haka

I found this while I was browsing for All Blacks Haka video for my presentation in Developmental Psych.. it's hilarious.

Saw this on Mel's blog.. and I think it is hilarious and looks like a great deal of fun. Anyway, I am actually working on my empirical research critique, which is due in 3 days.. so I think it's about time for procrasination.

Ahh.. don't you just love the word?

The way it works (purely copy and paste from Mel's blog):

1. Put your iPod (or your media player) on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today?
Petrified - Fort Minor (that's about right)

Will I get far in life?
Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

How do my friends see me?
Elements - Blue (what is that suppose to mean?)

When will I get married?
Bossy - Kelis (HA!!)

What is my best friend's theme song?
You're Beautiful - James Blunt (hey.. I was hoping this will be the answer to my next question!!)

What is the story of my life?
Hear Me (Tears into Wine) - Jim Brickman feat Michael Bolton (Oh.. so true)

What was high school like?
Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake (yeah baby!!.. but actually my high school life was far less exciting)

How am I going to get ahead in life?
Free Loop - Daniel Powter

What is the best thing about me?
Sexy Love - Neyo (LOL!!)

How is today going to be?
Photograph - Nickleback

What is in store for this weekend?
Run It - Chris Brown

What song describes my parents?
Torn - Letoya Luckett (Hmmm....)

Your grandparents?
Obsession - Sugarbabes (I really don't know what to say to this!!)

How is my life going?
Red Dress - Sugarbabes (watch out, Ben)

What song will they play at my funeral?
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield (yeah..I think this will be the perfect song for my funeral)

How does the world see me?
My Humps - Black Eyed Peas (LOL.. this is just hilarious)

Will I have a happy life?
SOS - Rhianna (SOS indeed)

What do my friends really think of me?
You and Me - Lifehouse

Do people secretly lust after me?
What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts (interesting answer)

How can I make myself happy?
Everytime We Touch - Cascada

What should I do with my life?
Blame It On My Youth - Jamie Cullum (oh yeah.. that's the answer that I'm looking for!!)

Will I ever have children?
Over My Head - The Fray (aha... riiiiiiiiiight)

What is some good advice for me?
I'm On It (Kryptonite) - Boi feat Purple Ribbon All-Stars (what the heck?!?!)

What is my signature dancing song?
Ugly - Sugarbabes

What do I think my current theme song is?
Here 4 One - Blazin Squad (Let's get this party jumpin')

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
It Ain't Easy - Sugarbabes

What type of men/women do you like?
Check Up On It - Beyonce

What kind of kisser are you?
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Hahahahaha!!!)

What’s your style?
It's About Time - Jamie Cullum

What kind of lover are you?
If It's Lovin' That You Want (You Should Make Me Your Girl) - Rhianna

What would be playing on a first date?
What A Difference A Day Made - Jamie Cullum (yeah.. check that out Mel!!)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  
Bruised - Sugarbabes (hmm.. not a good sign)

Yay!! so much fun!! Anyway.. must get back to my work!! It is calling out my name...

"How much can you learn in a year?", I wonder..

Well, I don't think there's an answer to that.. but I sure feel that I have learned, am learning, a lot this year.

I learned a lot about Psychology, that's for sure. One good news is that I might be able to graduate before the August next year! I actually plan to finish at the end of December but I just learned that I could begin my thesis NOW. I need to get 3 chapters of a thesis done for one of my papers I am doing this semester anyway (for a mock research proposal defense) but I could continue with the topic if I want too.. and that's my plan. One thing for sure, I'm definitely leaving Bangkok and heading back to NZ after I finished. I still don't know how my parents will deal with that but I guess there's no point worrying about it at this point in time.

So.. I'll take it one step at the time and "cross the bridge when I have to".. I am sure that it will all turn out for the best.

My trip

My Trip

was cancelled...........................................

Bum... 

Hey guys.. I've put up a new blog called "Little Miss" and Mel recommended that I should actually mention it in my first blog.. or else people wouldn't noticed that it exist.. so yeah, this is just to inform you that I have put up another blog and hopefully you guys would give it a visit and leave comments every now and then.. just to keep it alive, y'know.

Choa~

I learned how to juggle!!.......... with two balls.

Yes yes.. it's not exactly exciting but gosh.. it was so much fun! Well, there is an exchange student from Belgium who would be joining us in our MSCP course for this semester. His name is Ben (what's with me and the guy with the name "Ben") and he actually went to circus school when he was young. Imagine that!! Circus school!! I've never met anyone who went to circus school before. Whoa~~ Anyway, last Wednesday after class I was walking to meet up with my mom when I saw him juggling... Ben (the other Ben, my boyfriend) told me that juggling is great for concentration and always telling me that I should juggle. I never get a chance to learn and suddenly, out of the blue... here's Ben (the Belgium Ben)!! Awesomness!! Strangely, I juggle better when I'm talking.. weird.. maybe I am actually good at multi tasking.

Next week me department is going to Rayong for a weekend of fun. I can't wait.. I would be going to the beach... jealous guys?? Hehehe.. would take heaps of photos and would post them up on flickr... this is going to be great!!!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~

Last night during my lecture, I found it hard to concentrate as I was feeling so angry about the whole situation at the school earlier. I replayed it over and over and over in my head and getting angrier and angrier and angrier by the minute. So during the break of my 3 hours lecture, I decided to get on the internet and check my e-mail. Suddenly, out of the blue, I decided to googled on "angry quotes".. and I found this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. It totally put things in perspective. It made me think "Why am I so mad about this? Why I feel as if the whole situation is all my fault and I was not a good co-worker? WHY DO I FEEL INFERIOR?"...

It's because I let it get to me. I allowed those words to hurt me.

It was not easy letting it go. But once I did it, I knew I did the right thing. I was able to slept soundly last night.. I wouldn't otherwise. I woke up today.. feeling so much better...but still couldn't get on with the day without a big cup of coffee.

Aaah.. coffee

I quit my job last week on Thursday.. after a big argument with my ex-boss about how I think she's been using me to do jobs that are not in my job description and how I can not and will not do that for her anymore. After I spent the while of Tuesday and Wednesday cutting, laminating, and cutting 600 pieces of paper.. she claimed that I've been absent from my job, I know that I can not stand this place anymore.

Strange, really, because a few times during that day. I doubt my decision.

But now, after I went back to my work place to get my recommendation letter, I realised that I am glad I quit. The principal of the school, who suppose to be non-judgemental and fair, did not even take interest to hear about MY side of the story. After my argument with my ex-boss, he asked me to go to his office. He sat down and asked me if it's trute that I would like to quit my job. I replied "Yes".. and he said "Can I have you resignation today?" I told him that I don't have my resignation as I decided to quit less than an hour ago. He handed me a piece of A4 paper and told me to write down my resignation and give it to him before the end of the day. He also said that I don't have to come back to school after that day. I was expecting a fair treatment but apparently, I was wrong. It is the same today.. I thought that it had ended but the principal, who is a NZer, started to tell me how rude I am and threatened that he would use his relationship to his influential friends in NZ government if he ever find out that I am trying to get back into the country....

I would so sue him if he does that (Can he do that, Sam?)

What the world has come to? I wonder.. I thought that I could receive fair treatment and justice from educated people but I guess I was very naive

Uni started yesterday :-S

Nah.. it was quite interesting. The subject was Multicultural Counselling.. meet people from all walks of life there. Our lecturer, Dr. Christine, is half Dutch half Japanese and has a bubbly personality... and talks a lot. It's great to be back studying!!!! No no.. I'm not joking.. it means that one step closer to the end of my degree. I can't wait to go back to NZ

Work started last week. It was dreadful and I don't expect this week going to be any different. I've decided on Friday that I am definitely leaving this job. Unfortunately, I can't until I found a new job... and I hope that will happen soon or else I would go crazy, get myself fired, and ruin my career record!!!

Life is still so-so.. Nothing exciting... I would certainly be super busy until the end of November with 4 classes/week. I can't deny that I love what I am studying. I came across this article on "Mercy Centre" in this month edition of Marie Claire (which I personally think is the best glossy magazine out there). It's about a house that acts as a shelther, playgourd, and school for 250 orphans... 50 of them got infected by HIV. I think it must be some divine intervention that I come across this article *looking up towards heaven*.. You see, I was beginning to doubt about my choice of Master degree and start to wonder whether this is what I want to be doing. Seeing this article and see all the pictures of these kids.. I realised that I've come the right way.. made the right decisions. They have this programe called "Sanook My Saturday" (Sanook means fun) and basically these kids get to go out and see cool places in Thailand or get to do cool activities like dancing. Gosh, I would love to be able to teach these kids to dance.. I wish Ben was here and maybe we could teach them Ceroc and send them into dance competition!!!

Ooooh...that is such a wonderful idea (must write that down!!)

Anyway. I can't volunteer in that programe coz I have class on Saturdays.. bummer!! Maybe next semester...