It's Friday morning in Bangkok, Thailand.

The weather is strangely "cool" probably because it has been raining for days and days... and the fact that it is approaching "winter". A so-called "winter" because Bangkok would be less hot than usual but nevertheless hot. I am sipping luke warm coffee after a sleepless night.

I have a Welcome Tea Party to go to today at Uni. It's arranged by my Dept.. a get-to-know-each-other kinda thing. I'm lazy but I'll go anyway as I don't have anything better to do. I might even get to talk to Dr. Christine (my Multicultural Counseling lecturer) about my thesis. Although I grumble about my thesis a lot but I am kinda excited about it. I'm lucky that I sort of know specifically what I want to do my research on.. although I usualy stumble on this big rock named "laziness".

I can't believe it's the end of September already. I am extremely glad that the end of year is approaching. It means that I have less than a year until I leave for NZ again. I am not sorry that I was "forced" to spent sometime here. I get to be with my family and I've learned a lot. I've learned that the world can be extremely cruel. I've also learned that eventhough your parents are the people who know you best but from time to time they can be completely clueless. I've learned that I can't live in fear and refuse to take my chances coz if I do..the question "What if.." would haunt me to the end of my days. I also know what it's like to be nice and composed on the out side but screaming on the inside. Now, I am struggling with the concept of "Love without ownership".. somethings are easy to learn, somethings aren't.

It must be the food and the weather as my weight is at its lowest in six long years (55 kg). Hot weather makes you lose your appetite. I have never forgotten to eat in my entire life but since I've been back, I find myself doing it quite a lot. Depsite all that, my clothes size here is still "L". Gosh, I am living an affluent lifestlye. Too much caffeine, too little exercise, and Bangkok is so big that you need a car to go places. Unlike Dunedin with its botanical garden, that muscle torturing Aquinas hill that I spent one year conquering on a daily basis, Ceroc and its many hours of dancing, and high taxi fares - which ultimately forces us to walk everywhere.

Michael Bolton's "Hear Me" is playing softly and for a while.. I can do nothing but let the music and the words flow through me. This song strangely reflect what I am feeling inside most of the time. Probably all the time but the feeling is buried deep in my unconcsious that I am not aware of it sometimes. It's a plea for someone to hear me. I think no one can sing this song better than Michael Bolton. .

Take these tears, put 'em in a bottle. Don’t let these tears I cry be in vain.
Take these tears, keep them up in heaven. Water my life with tears like rain.

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’
Hear me, I am feeling broken,

I am broken open.

Take this life, turn it into something, I’m afraid it’s just wasting time.
Turn this life the sun has ripened, grow it slowly on the vine.

Turn my tears into wine

Hear me, hear my words unspoken, Restore my faith in hopin’

Turn my tears into wine,

Turn these tears into wine

All that’s left of me are traces.

Make me stronger in my broken places.

I think I really should publish this post or else I'm going to be here for a long while.