Bangkok is such a wonderful place. Eventhough I feel that NZ is home to me.. this place is still my home. Althought Bangkok is still "home".. but I don't think I could live here anymore. I'll suffocate..
I've been keeping myself busy with painting, swimming, e-mailing the Red Cross and Bangkok Breast Cancer for volunteer work and trying to apply to be a permanent residence in New Zealand.
Right now I feel that things are totally out of my hand. There are so much that I keep inside that I can't share with my family (let alone speaking it out on the internet). It's so sad that I have no one to talk to (as in face-to-face) here. Sometimes I felt like I'm not myself.. like I can't be myself. Wonder why, since I am with the people who have been with me since I was born. Maybe it's because I'm growing up, maybe NZ has changed me, maybe of our differences in our beliefs.. maybe, maybe, maybe...
My quiet time is terrible. I am still struggling with my doubts. I felt like I'm am drifting further away from God. How can I know that this is the truth? How can I find rest in Him? Questions that I keep on asking myself and I'm doing nothing to find the answer.
I don't understand myself at all.
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