Burnt Out..

that's what I'm feeling right now. Basically, my assignments are almost all over since last Tuesday. So Wednesday and today is suppose to be smooth and relax for me. But I keep on freaking out, I keep on thinking that I still have some sort of work and assignments to do (which I do.. but they are small ones that doesn't even worth worrying about).

When is it that all the fun disappear from my life? No-Man Camp was good but it felt like a dream. What suppose to be a time for me to relax and recharge, turned out to be short-lived. As soon as I'm back in Dunedin, it felt like something zapped all my energy away again. When was the last time that I had a good sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and can't wait for the day to start? When did I start dreading the day? I kept on smiling, but am I fooling other people or am I fooling myself? Am I pretending that everything is fine and okay and I'm all together? All these questions running through my head.... and I have no answers for any of it.

One day at a time, I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time, I know I'll carry on
One day at a time ,I can see you took my life this far
One day at a time, I will take this faith along

All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will to understand this plan you have for me

And I've been shut up, shut down, held out, held down in ways I never knew I would,
but I can feel Your fullness in my life
I've been burnt out, broken, torn out, torn down in ways I never knew I would,
but I can feel You fullness in my life
One day at a time

One day at a time, I will take these words You've given me
One day at a time, I will rest in knowing You
One day at a time, I will share this gift You've given me
One day at a time, I will walk these valleys through

All I know is that I see, how much my heart is longing to be cradled by your side
and I'll give all I can,
to one day soon be held by your hand

~Jeremy Camp, Stay~

I should be working on my essay but....

I'm bloggin instead.... MEHH !!!!

I don't really have anything to write except that I'm extremely busy. I have all these reports, summary, lab catch-ups, essays and an oral presentation to do. I have no idea when I will have enough time to actually start studying for my exams, which by the way, is less than a month away. OH.. God will get me through.. some how.

Went to the bagel place with Mel yesterday. It was totally awesome. We had olives and rosemary bagels with chicken, camenbert and cranberries sauce. Maaaaaaaaaan, I so stay there all day !!!!

Right, better get back to my essay. Sorry this is a boring short blog... but I really need to go. The stupid essay is due tomorrow.

when the past come knocking...

suddenly, life just seem meaningless.. when old feelings start to resurface:

The feelings for particular person that I used to love.. God only knows, maybe I still do.. even though I know in my heart that he might not be the one God had in mind for me. Trying so hard to let go.. almost succeeded when I started to fall back again. I crossed the boundary I had set to guard my heart, thinking "just a little bit.. for a little while.. it wouldn't hurt"..... I compromise too much.

The guilt for the things that I did. Wishing that there might be a way to turn back time and erase it. Although I had asked God for forgiveness and He had set me free. The condemnation resurface every now and then. But, forever faithful, God took my hand and lead me through it.

The feeling of uncertainty for my future.

All these things brought me to my knees and cry out to Him. When the desires and the feelings start to consume me.. He become even more real. Praise be to my God, my Rock, my Fortress, my Protector... His love sets me free.

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I also want to use this opportunity to thank Nicola, who always been there for me. Nic, you are such a blessing to me. I can never thank God enough for you. Thank you for all your advice, sincerity and your genuine love for me. I love you heaps...

Wow

exciting !!! 2 comments on yesterday's post already !!! I thought people had stop checking my blog since it has been inactive for soooooooooooooooooo long. Thanks to Sam and Jared for having faith in me.. and my blog.

I handed in my essay today. Phew ~~~ such a relief.. just to inform you about my essay topic. It's : "2-Methoxyestradiol as a treatment for breast cancer".. sounds cool and complicated huh? yeah.. i don't know what it is about either.

This arvo, I learned the most disturbing news... I have an assignment that was due yesterday, and all these time, I thought it will be due on Thursday. I have been so absorbed in my essay that I totally forget about it. Booo !!!! No wonder all these people handed all these stuff in yesterday, i thought it's the essay they were handing in and they are just being smart and finished it early. Oh well.....There's no point in doing now either coz I have a lab summary due on fri, another 20% essay due next tue and PSYC lab report due next thurs. I really need to get all these other ones going. Aaaaaah.. life...

Ceroc tonight !!! it'll be so awesome.. even though I know what the moves will be for the 1st night.. but I'll just show up anyway. Brrrrrrrrrr... so cold in my room.. I better stop blogging and find some articles for my essay. I hate articles.. they are evil.. but they make my essay (therefore me) look intelligent.

Aaah... blogging

Wow, i haven't blog for such a long long loooooooong time !!! and I haven't read any blog for weeks !!! sorry for that guys.

Hmm, so what have been happening in my life lately? Errm, I turned 20 two weeks ago. Somehow Claire keep on thinking that that was my 21st birthday. Mel arranged a surprise party for me (I so knew about it) at Tokyo garden. It was awesome !! Thank you so much for that guys (esp. miss Mel) !! After the party we went out dancing at The Rose & Crown (Josh, Jian, Jane, Mel, Me, Kirsten & Annisha... Dan broke my heart by refusing to turn up and dance with me.. sob sob.... and no, Sam, I do not think of Dan that way.. I'm just exaggerating). Ceroc rocks !!! I can't believe that classes are starting again tomorrow. I can't wait for it.. and Sam is going to be there. Now, how cool is that !!!! Sam the mannnnnnn....

Right !!! I better stop procrasinating and finish off my essay (it's due tomorrow). Ah, I miss blogging.....