I look at the calendar today and it says 31st of January 2007... and my instant reaction was: it is the end of the month ALREADY?!

and now it is only 11 months left in 2007

So many things happened in the past 30 days that I seems to forgot to stop and just cherish the fact that I am alive. I got lost in my own thoughts and fantasies and just simply forget what it means to be alive HERE and NOW. I am preoccupied with uni, crocheting, and thinking about what do I want to do after I graduate (hopefully) in August. My thesis is going no where and I feel that I unconciously trying to avoid the anxiety directly related to my thesis and distract myself by crocheting, crocheting, and crocheting. Since last December I have made 1 shawl, 1 tissue holder, 1 sunglasses case, and now I am making another shawl. The crochet is fun and a useful skill to know but I don't think that it is actually helpful at this point in time.

My mother, on the other hand, is worrying about my social life... the lack of social life to be exact. I wonder why I don't get along with people here? Why did I start keeping to myself? When did I stopped having fun?

One thing that I am trying to understand is the three signata of Buddhism. "Anicca Dukkha Anatta". Annica means impermanence, Dukkha means unsatisfactoriness, and Anatta means insubstantiality. These are called by many as the Universal Laws.

I don't think I can explain to you what "Annica Dukkha Anatta" really means since I don't understand how it works myself so here is an excert from a website I found (while trying to find the correct english pronunciation for those words).

The Three Fundamental Laws of the Buddha

The three signata refer to the three essential marks or characteristics of all "compounded" things, animate or inanimate, microscopic or macroscopic. Because of the universality of their applicability they could be considered as having the force of universal laws. These characteristics are impermanence (anicca), unsatisfactoriness (dukkha), and insubstantiality (anatta). As these translations of the basic Pâli terms are only approximate, a further elaboration of these basic concepts of the Dhamma is necessary.

(1) Anicca. The law of impermanence asserts that all phenomena are subject to constant change, to rise and fall, and no permanent states, either physical or animate, exists. The dynamic nature of phenomena is today a commonplace of science. But until quite recently many physical features of the universe were considered immutable, and in the human plane the belief in enduring states or characteristics is still an article of faith in many religious systems. The law of anicca establishes impermanence as the basic universal law.

(2) Dukkha. The law of dukkha states that all complexes of phenomena, are in the final analysis unsatisfactory. It means that no compounded thing or state could be considered as a universal norm of goodness or beauty. It imparts the normative dimension into the consideration of objective reality which is the hallmark of the Dhamma. The law of dukkha is usually considered in relation to the human situation, and here unsatisfactoriness manifests itself as "suffering", which is the popular rendition of the term. It is in this sense that it constitutes the first of the four Noble Truths.

(3) Anatta. The third law states that there is no permanent essence, "self", ego, or soul in phenomena. The term originates as the negation of the concept of atta (âtman) which was the equivalent in the old Brahmanical religion of the Buddha's day to what other religions have called the "soul". The Buddha advanced psycho-physical explanation of the individual which leaves no room for a soul. The Buddha recognised that the delusion of self or ego was one of the most powerful of human instincts, and at the same time one of the most potent sources of ignorance and wrong action. In applying the anatta doctrine to the phenomena of the external world some care mush be exercised. Early Buddhism did not deny the reality of the external world. It argued that the phenomena of the external world could be broken down into its constituent components, and that nothing else other than these components existed. It was only in this sense that the phenomena of the external world were declared to be empty (suñña). Some schools of Mahayâna Buddhism have taken the doctrine of emptiness (suññâtâ) to imply a denial of the reality of the external world. This interpretation is foreign to early Buddhism. Early Buddhism only asserts that there is no fixed essence or being in phenomena, but only a process of becoming (bhâva).

What you should not do before your interview..

paint your nails - serious!! about 5 min ago, I decided to vamp up my nails before I leave home for my 2nd interview with Gfk. I finished my nails in record time and damn, they look good. However, when I decided to put the manicure-related stuff away the worst possible thing happened. Yes yes.. I scraped my nails and now all my work is ruin. I panic and I don't have enough time to repair the damage. So I walked around collecting my things.. I suppose to leave home @ 4 pm.. the clock read 3.57 pm. Then I sighed and glanced at the computer screen and it read 2.57 pm!! Thought that my eyes is pulling prank on my caffeine-deprived brain, I turned around to the big clock by the wall (which is not digital).. yeah.. the damn computer is right. It is indeed 2.57 pm... *sigh* now I have plenty of time to re-do my nails and write a blog about my meh-ness...

Elusive title of a song..

Sometime back in 2004, I heard a song by a guy and I am pretty sure the title contains the word "beautiful" and unfortunately it is rather a common term so when I googled it up..*sigh*.. nightmare. I do remember the MV tho, it's black and white video with the singer riding a bicycle while singing. I tried google THAT too.. I should've known better *rolled eyes* So I shift my attention back on downloading Keane's first album which I think is far better than their 2nd one.

I watched "Goodbye Lenin" for the first time today. Ogi & Helen recommended to me quite sometime ago. The movie okay but I don't think it'll be on my list of favorite movies. The movie that I recently added to my list is "Being Julia". Jane recommended that to me since half a century ago. I know it's not that long but my days in NZ does feel like another life time. Jane mentioned something about Annette Bening's brilliant performance...man.. she's more than right. Despite my several attempts in watching the whole movie from beginning till end. The whole "Being Julia" experience for me is like that of "Memento" - first time I watched a few moments before the end, the second time I watched from 3/4 part of the movie onwards, the third time I watched the last 50% of the movie and so on...very disconnected but it still makes sense.

Putting movies and songs aside, I am quite sad because I suppose to be picking Mel up from the airport instead of writing this blog. Unfortunately, because of the bombings, Mel's trip has been cancelled. I can not believe that things are starting to go wrong from the start of the year. I was really looking forward to Mel's visit. I hope that things will get progressively better from now. I hope that all the unrest in Thailand will come to an end because this is getting really ridiculous. Actually I heard some unverified info about the terrorists down South. According to the news, these terrorist have been taught since childhood that killing innocent people is OK and they can receive "good karma" from it. Those who did the teachings took the teachings from the Koran and totally changed it. No surprises there as we can see the same thing happening to the Bible and Buddha teachings as well.. but it gets even more absurd. It is said that they also have been taught that if they kill a innocent person during Ramadan festival, they recieve double dosage of "good karma".

As time progress, the value of human life diminishes. People starts to use religious teachings for their own selfish cause. I guess not only human value is diminishing but also morale.

Nam's New Year Resolution List

Nah.. there's no list. I couldn't think of any exciting titles.. so I choose a boring title to make this blog even more boring. Well.. I hope it's not boring but some of you might think so. Anyway.. if I ever make a list before the end of this month, then I shall name it "New Year Evolution List".. it is far more exciting to evolve rather than resolve.

Well, uni is starting this week. Back to the old 4 days/week, 3 hrs/day routine. Meh.. with luck all this will end by August.

I have decided that my Corinne Bailey Rae's album is definitely one of the best investment I have made (musicwise) in quite sometime. It's one of those things where you buy an album just because of a song and you ending up loving the whole thing. This also happened to me with Brooke Fraser's "What To Do With Daylight".

Around last month, I got my hands on a copy of Lifehouse self-titled album. Good album.. and while I listen to the lyrics for the first time (I wasn't Lifehouse listener till now) and it makes me wonder whether Lifehouse is, in fact, a Christian band...do you know? Gosh, they released this amazing single called "You and Me" - love it. Now I'm currently listening to Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars"......aaah.... you gotta love that song.

Talking about bands, I received an e-mail from Jack, our guitarist from Elim and I was amazed to know that they are a "proper" band now. That's so crazy! It's crazy to see everybody making their own way in this world. When I read my all those blogs, which I don't get a chance to do often (sadly), and I feel that I only take glimsps at small episodes of their lives. One minute Sam is in Dunedin, next he's in Welly, next he's in Texas with Abbey. Eventhough I want to get very much up-to-date with all the news, it is impossible to do!! Well, it's not impossible.. *sigh* I blame it on my laziness.

It's a new year.. it's about time that I go blog-hoppin'

I wish you all a great 2007.. full of nice surprises, surround by lovely people, lots of meaningful relationships, a great job that pays well and come with a nice boss + colleague (it's a long shot but it won't hurt wishin')... HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Lots of love to you!

Happy New Year 2007

Happy New Year 2007!!..

..to all my friends in NZ, Thailand, USA, Hong Kong, Australia, and other parts of the world!!

Yes.. I'm still alive so don't worry. :-)

I did went out for a countdown party last night at a club called BaryanTree. I could not believe what was happening out there. I feel so sorry for those who died and injured. How could a human being can do such a thing!!! especially on such a happy occasion...will Thailand ever be safe again?