Merry Christmas to all of you, my dear friends.

All of you, in some way or another, had affected me and blessed me greatly. It's God who crosses our paths and we're friends for a reason. Friendship is one thing that I treasure and it's been a pleasure to get to know all of you. Although I don't know some of you very well, but please know that I treasure you nontheless.

So on this special, I pray that the Lord will continue to be your bright light at the end of the tunnel. That He will be your guide, your protector, your resting place and your love. I pray that He will continue to bless all of you abundantly.

Love you all...

(a post about David P and the girls in BKK will be put up soon!!!)

A Prayer in Spring

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers today;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
To which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends he will,
But which it only needs that we fulfill.

~Robert Frost~

"Don't care what others think of you. Don't care what GOD thinks of you, because He's already know you. Do your best and rejoice that you ARE completely accepted. Completely. Totally."

I've taken this from a comment from my previous post. Thanks Sam, once again you help me cope with my situation. You helped me remember something I once knew so well. Thanks again Sam. *big hug*

I seriously don't know what to write. The past two posts was, I admit, boring and depressing. But it's good to let it out. Lots lighter afterwards, eventhough that lightness only lasts 5 min.. or 10.

I've just realised that there are certain things that happened or certain things that people said about you that you need to ignore...or else, it will eat you up from inside. It's amazing that most of the time, those things are so little that it doesn't even worth thinking about or complete lies. Sometimes, those things are true, then you need to give it a thought. But how do you distinguished the truth from the lies? How do you know which one is worth thinking about and which one doesn't?

At least, God just blessed me with a purpose. A great purpose. Today, I've recieved an e-mail from administrative chairperson of Bangkok Breast Cancer Support Group about volunteer jobs. I'm so excited about it and it is just awesome to have something to look forward to. Working in this support group is no doubt a great opportunity to share my faith to other people, an opportunity to pray for other people and I wish that in the end, I will learn something from this. I'm sure that God has planned this. I'm not sure what His plan is but I can't wait to find out.

Well, I just got back from my trip to Chantaburi yesterday.. I'm so glad to be back in Bangkok again.

I now know how life can be so depressing without friends. Stay at home all day, watching movies, playing piano.. basically floating around the house. I will never take my life at NZ for granted again. Funny thing is I feel so happy and free in NZ but I feel so tie down here, in Bangkok, my home town.

I have noticed I keep on worring about what other people with think of me or feel about me if I decided to do or say certain things. Not that it is a bad thing but then I take it to the extreme that I always do things just for the sake of other people even though I myself do not want to do them. Does staying in other people's good graces worth abandoning my dreams, not speaking my mind and not being me? I think not.. but then.. how come it always happen to me? Many people said to me "Don't care about what other people think. Just care about what God would think of you" easy to say, so hard to do... but in the end, isn't it the same? Staying in God's good book? I know He understands me, he made me who I am. He knows what I desire, how I feel about certain things....but why do I feel like I still have to "not being me" if I were to stay in His good book?

Time away from my friends, from church, from my special person brings up all these questions I never thought they were there before. This holiday is going to be interesting indeed.

Bangkok

Bangkok is such a wonderful place. Eventhough I feel that NZ is home to me.. this place is still my home. Althought Bangkok is still "home".. but I don't think I could live here anymore. I'll suffocate..

I've been keeping myself busy with painting, swimming, e-mailing the Red Cross and Bangkok Breast Cancer for volunteer work and trying to apply to be a permanent residence in New Zealand.

Right now I feel that things are totally out of my hand. There are so much that I keep inside that I can't share with my family (let alone speaking it out on the internet). It's so sad that I have no one to talk to (as in face-to-face) here. Sometimes I felt like I'm not myself.. like I can't be myself. Wonder why, since I am with the people who have been with me since I was born. Maybe it's because I'm growing up, maybe NZ has changed me, maybe of our differences in our beliefs.. maybe, maybe, maybe...

My quiet time is terrible. I am still struggling with my doubts. I felt like I'm am drifting further away from God. How can I know that this is the truth? How can I find rest in Him? Questions that I keep on asking myself and I'm doing nothing to find the answer.

I don't understand myself at all.

I'm home

actually I've been back for a week now. I'm using jet lag as my excuse for not blogging sooner. Jet lag... very horrible thing.

Well, it's great to be back home. Back to normal food and away from NZ sausages.. (sorry guys.. but they are just horrible!!).

What do I usually do from day to day, you might ask. Well, I haven't done much. I bake (so far I made rosemary & sea salt foccacia, strawberry & cream pie and oreo cheesecake with bluberries.. I could feel my arteries clotting), I watch movies (cheesy hollywood movies that is.. I plan to watch Gone With The Wind and Casablanca sometime soon) and I paint. I started two paintings, one is a picture of a boat on water.. its reflection reflecting on almost-still water and another one is a picture of a single lily. Hopefully, I could finish them soon so I can start painting something else. I have very low patience threshold.

Right, it's late and I should get off the internet. Please leave some comment.. I'll try and keep this blog more "alive".. it looks a bit dead at the moment.

Chao ~

A little break from packing...

I'm in the process of packing, clearing and cleaning out my room. Right now.. it's a bomb site. Potentially fatal.. last night I almost stepped on one of the candle plate that has this rather sharp spike coming out of it. Phew ~~

The weather finally cleared up today. Yesss.. I have a lunch "date" with Tim C. later on today so at least I have something to look forward to. It makes my day seems less boring and purposeless.

This is my last week in Dunedin for this year. Boo....I'll be missing this place and the people here. I had some plans of what I want to do.. places I want to go. I'll have my one last walk in the garden, one last walk along the beach, one last Ceroc classes, last dancing nights at Robbie on Thurs and ISIS on Fri. Right now, I need to get this packing out of the way. So I'll have more free time later on during the week.

Right, break time is over.. back to packing *sob sob*